well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
