I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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