Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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