the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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