Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
