Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
