How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
whose ass print is on the piano?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
