my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
