It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
