yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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