My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize