I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
