that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize