What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize