Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
