overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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