So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
two words: eviction party
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
