At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
