matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
