So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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