Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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