At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
