Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
