Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
