filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Watching her eat just hurts me
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
