I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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