i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
