I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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