from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
