i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
