can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
