The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
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I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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