Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
the raccoons are back...
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