I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
