I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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