I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
