just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
