Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
