He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
