I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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