Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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