fuck your aforementioned shoe
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
