Already got asked if we're dating
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
