rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize