how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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