Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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