you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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