So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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