i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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