I'm really into asian looking animals
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize