I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
