the vacuum is drunk
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year