people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia