she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
