If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.