What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
