Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
