I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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