There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
