i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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