I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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